Welcome, true believers (yes, I stole that from Stan Lee, deal with it). I haven't written in a while, but I've been busy digging myself into a pit. However, I suddenly realized that was a bad thing, so I stopped. Hence, I'm blogging once again. The odds are stacked against me, but I know something that the circumstances don't. God's on my side. So, all that most of you can do for me is pray. Pray that I find a co-signer for another student loan. Pray that I finally find myself capable of discipline. Pray that I manage to keep myself from getting depressed again. Most of all, pray that I don't give up on the destiny that God has for me. I've got a lot of work ahead of me in order to do all that God is asking of me, and your prayers can make a world of difference. So, thank you all my friends for standing with me, for supporting me, and most of all, thank you for caring.

Hang Loose,
Moses

Okay, so I've stuck myself in that stupid hopeless position once again. Here's my new dilemma. I have four papers that absolutely need to be finished by December, 5. If you want me to really face reality, they should be finished by the end of the week. In either case, you see that the situation is grim. If I don't finish these papers, I'm guaranteed to fail two of the four classed I took this semester. I might fail calculus on top of that. I really don't know on that one. I'm gonna have to really nail the calculus final if I want to get a decent grade. So once again, my own character flaws are my downfall. I realize, however, that there's something interesting about part of what I feel here at school. I hate being here, it's really true. I love the people, STE, YFC, all the friends I've made, the experiences I've had. That's all great. It's the classes that mess with me. It's this feeling of going around and around without getting anywhere. I've finally found someone I can identify with. Ironically enough, it's Moses. Moses led his people out of Egypt, which was awesome. Then, he got stuck in the desert walking in circles around a mountain for forty years. I have to believe he hated being in that desert. It couldn't possibly have been much fun. On top of that, he had to deal with the Israelites whining about one thing or another every time he turned around. On top of that, he had to beg God not to destroy them whenever they decided to push Him to rage. But, Moses took it like a man. He did what he knew needed to be done, even though he had to have hated doing it. I guess what I'm really trying to say is that I may hate what I have to do right now, but I know that there's stuff here I need to learn. Responsibility is one of them. I need to grow, spiritually, emotionally, and intellectually. If I don't grow, I'm simply not going to be fully equipped when I head out to become a youth minister. It's not that I won't become one, it's not even that I won't become a good one. It's just that I won't live up to the potential that I have within me. I ask you all one favor: as I wander through this desert on the way to my promised land, please pray that I'll have the patience to grow.

Sweating Bullets,
Moses

So, I begin this blog by assuring you, my faithful readers, that I am, in fact, alive. I have not died as some may think. In fact, life is what has prevented me from posting in such a long time. My second order of business is to point out that my good friend Erisiky put up that last post. For anyone who was thrown off by that I have two simple words: HA HA.

But in all seriousness, today I rant specifically about myself. I'm always kinda ranting about me, but today it's just about me. Why is it that I always have to put things off to the last minute? You would think that after the first time I went 48 hours without sleeping I might have learned, but I didn't. You would think after I bombed my first math test, I might realize that I should show up for class, but I don't. You would think that after seven years of letting my grades suffer due to my own laziness that I might start to attempt being a good student, but I'm worse than ever. Why don't I learn? I'm not stupid. Why don't I care? It seems that no matter how hard I try to make myself care about school, I just can't. Or won't. I don't even know which it is. I just know that I don't care. I understand that I need to be here. I've even figured out that God probably wants me here right now. I still just want to go home, though. I'm tired, I'm stressed, I'm broke, and I feel like I'm standing still. It seems like I'm going nowhere fast, and I don't like it. Hopefully, once I get all these gen-eds out of the way things will change. However, the question remains: Will I even make it that far? I'll have to take out another loan. Probably a pretty big one, since I'm in big danger of losing my scholarship. I'm so sick of dealing with money. More specifically, I'm sick of not having any. School is draining all the money out of my bank account, my mom's bank account, and my dad's bank account. What happens when my brother starts next year? God help me!

Hanging by a thread,
Moses

So, I just got back from the one of the greatest experiences of my life! I went to converge tonight. There was this band there called The Afters. They were pretty good. Then we did some other stuff. Eventually I witnessed literally hundreds of teenagers giving their lives to Christ (I definitely want to be a youth minister). The feeling was incredible. Then Pillar played. I eventually worked my way up to the front. I was like a foot away from the band at most. The concert was amazing. My throat hurts from screaming. Then, to cap off a perfect weekend. I got a poster, and then I got it autographed. I got to talk to the guys (if only briefly) and even got to shake Kalel's hand. I'm so incredibly stoked right now, I don't know what to do with myself. That's all.
Hang loose,
Moses

Here's a fun thing to think about: exactly how much does Jesus love us? Well, let's look at what we know. Jesus gave up the glory of Heaven for us. Take it deeper. What exactly is Heaven like for Jesus? Well, He has millions, if not billions of angels that constantly worship Him. That's all they do. They just stand around Him and tell Him how incredibly awesome and amazing He is. Next, He lives in this place where everything is so extravagant that they pave the roads with gold. Can you imagine a place where gold is so worthless that you can't find a better use for it than to put it on the ground and walk on it? Then, Jesus is constantly in the presence of the Father while in Heaven. Imagine what that must be like. Now, He gives all that up so He can come to earth. First, He spends a third of His life just to be told "you're not rabbi material." (Being King of the Universe apparently doesn't make you an authority on the Word you wrote. Who knew?) So He spends the next twenty or so years mastering the back breaking trade of carpentry. In the meantime, He is tempted by every sin that we're all tempted by and is pretty much just an average Joe. Then He starts His ministry. He spends three years pouring Himself into other people. He performs miracles, he preaches, he prophesies, all the time knowing the end result. Next, Jesus is betrayed. First by one of His best friends, and then by most of the people in general. He's turned over to the religious leaders who want Him dead because His message doesn't line up with their way of thinking. He was then humiliated, beaten, humiliated, whipped, humiliated, starved, humiliated, abandoned, and crucified. Did I mention that He was humiliated (as opposed to being worshipped)? Oh, by the way, crucifixion is basically THE most painful way to die. Jesus knew in Heaven that this was what He would endure. Yet He chose to give up Heaven so that some of us might make the right choice and join Him in Heaven. Now, why is it so hard for us to take a few moments out of our ay to help another human being? "I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me." Just food for thought.
Hang loose,
Moses

Before I say anything, I want to share an excerpt from Bill Bright and Ted Dekker's book, Blessed Child.

"'And some of you who call yourslef Christians need to learn how to walk in the kingdom of God, not just sleep there,' Caleb said. 'Dadda told me that just because you are born into a palace doesn't mean that you know how to rule. You are children who are blind to the power of God's Spirit. I think you might still be babies in the place. Maybe you are still playing with mud pies.'"

Think about that for a minute. How many of us were born into to the kingdom of God just to immediately go to sleep? There's no denying we're there, but it's kinda like being in a spiritual coma. Sure we're alive, but we have no interaction with the world around us. Shouldn't Christians be walking in power? I'm not even talking signs and wonders here, by the way. Christians should have the amazing power to heal the human heart. We should be putting psychologists out of business. There are millions of people walking around dying on the inside. And do we even take time to notice? What separates those who know Christ from those who don't? Hopefully it's a little more than where we go when we die. It's not that hard, really. Pay attention to people. Take enough time to step out of your own world and into someone else's. We're supposed to love our neighbours as ourselves. How do we manage that without doing as much as talking to our neighbors? How can we love anyone when we don't pay enough attention to notice that the person we just asked to take our picture is crying? Or if we did notice, but were to afraid totalk to the person about it. Is this what the church is supposed to be? Are we supposed to be the inverted, uncaring, "you're all going to hell" church? I don't think so. God is love. God loves us. God commands us to love others. Period.

Hang Loose,
Moses

I'm a Christian. It's a simple phrase, but it's packed with a lot of meaning. Most people who throw the phrase don't understand half of what they mean when they say it. I'm probably included, but here's my attempt at unpacking what the word Christian means. First of all, it means that you follow Christ. Think about that. Do you follow Christ? Do you take up your cross every day? Are you willing to deny yourself in order to more fully understand Christ? I don't know about the rest of Christendom, but I'm still working on that one. How about this? Here's a challenge to the Western Church. If the president passed a bill tomorrow that made being a Christian punishable by death, what would you do? Would you follow Christ to the death? People die for Christ every day, just not in America. We don't even have to deal with our own problems if we don't want to. We don't have to depend on God to feed, clothe, or shelter us. We barely have to suffer for Christ at all. I'm not complaining. I don't want to be faced with the decision to be killed or tortured for my faith. But the question is, would I go through the torture or deny Christ? I could tell you that I would die for Christ, but you all would tell me the same thing, and in the end it wouldn't matter. It's just talk. But death aside, there's a self sacrifice involved in true Christianity. Unfortunately, I don't now how much of that is going on. I'm a prime example of it myself. I have problems deny myself those hours in front of my computer. I could just as easily spend that time talking to Jesus, reading the word, or God forbid that I use that time to serve others. But this actually boils down to something deeper still. Why do Christians sacrifice themselves for Christ? The answer is really quite simple. It's because we love Him. And I'm not talking about that "I love my car" or that "I love my new toy" or even that "I love my brother/sister/mother/father" kind of love. I'm talking about that "I'm passionately in love with someone that I could never live without" kind of love. That kind of love that connects two people so intimately that they could never dream of being apart. That's the kind of love that Jesus has for us (and it's rather poorly expressed by me, but it's the best my puny little mortal mind could come up with). That's the kind of love we should be returning to Him. We shouldn't be praying because "that's what Christians do." We should be praying, or reading the Bible, or serving people, or being tortured, or being killed, because we are so in love with Jesus that we couldn't do or say anything that would speak to the opposite. We say that we love Jesus, but I fear that the word love has lost it's meaning. Church, it's time to wake up. Instead of saying we love Jesus, we should start showing that we love Him. I know that we've all heard this before, but very few seem to have taken it to heart. That's all I've got for right now, but I'm sure there'll be more in future publications.

HANG LOOSE
Moses

So, most of you have probably never read any of my poetry. Here's my latest song.

On the Rainy days


Grey clouds crowd together above my head.
On days like this, it seems like the whole world is dead.
I think about the night after the fish and the bread,
When the disciples mistook you for a person long dead.
The wind was against them, they were worked to the bone.
But you walked across the water in the mist and the foam.
When your disciple lost faith, he sunk like a stone,
But you pulled him up, you didn't leave him alone.

Jesus, in this storm, I will sing your praise.
Let me bring you glory in all my days.
Help me to follow in all of you ways.
I sing your praise on the rainy days.

I don't know what I'm doing or where my life is going.
It seems the world is speeding up while I conitnue slowing.
I stumble 'round not knowing. I guess that I've stopped growing.
Even though I try to hide, my sin is out there showing.
I can't continue going in circles forever.
I don't know how much longer I can bear this weather.
The storm is so rough. Right now it's worse than ever.
I fell I'll be blown in the wind just like an eagle's feather.

But Jesus, in this storm, help me sing your praise.
Let me bring you glory in all my days.
Help me to follow in all of your ways.
I sing your praise on the rainy days.

Tell me what you think

Hang loose,
Moses

So, I haven't blogged in a while. To all my faithful readers (lol), I apologize. I've been struggling through a lot of random crap in my life lately, and haven't had much of a will to write. However, I'm doing better, so I may start writing a lot more. I'm hoping to start posting poetry and stories soon, but I have to decide what I want to post. Anyway, some coming attractions - I've started looking into what the Bible has to say about the soul. I'm starting on a story called If We Are the Body, which is loosely based on the Casting Crowns song of the same title. I'm always working on poetry, so some is sure to pop up sooner or later. That's what's coming for now. Always watch for more rants, but I would like to point out right now that usually the reason I write these things is because God is pointing out stuff in my own life. For now, everyone just remember that Jesus loves you (trite, I know). That's all for now.
Hang loose,
Moses

Bad things happen. It's a simple fact of life. Things go wrong. This world we live in isn't perfect. But here's a quick question: why does God get the blame? After all, God created the world, and when He did it was perfect. Don't believe me? Read the first few chapters of Genesis. God saw that everything He created was good. God created a perfect world and then man, with free will, came along and messed everything up. That's right, folks. It's not God's fault that you suffer. Adam and Ever ate that fruit, introduced sin to the world, and Satan got free reign over the earth. So next time you're stumbling into the bathroom in the morning and you stub your toe, remember that pain only exists because YOUR ANCESTOR disobeyed God. That's right pain, suffering, death, chaos, sin, evil, perversity, and all those other generally nasty things exist only because Adam and Eve ate that stupid fruit.





Ha! Thought I was finished, didn't you? I've got another thing I'm wondering about. Why is it that when we suffer, we accuse God of abandoning us? Suffering is a part of life. SUCK IT UP!!! Look closely and you will realize that when you are suffering and crying out to God - that's when He's closest to you. Think about it from a human perspective for a moment. When a father sees his son suffering, does he abandon him? I don't think so. He doesn't always make the suffering go away, but he's there to encourage his son. He'll do what he can, morally and physically, to help his son. Now, I say morally because sometimes the son suffers due to his own stupid mistake. In this case, just up and fixing the problem is bad parenting. The son needs to learn how to fix his own mistakes so he won't make the same ones repeatedly. The father may, however give the son advice and hope he follows it. God is the same way with us. He won't always just fix your problems for you - you can't grow that way. He has given you an entire book full of advice, and is always right next to you to comfort, strengthen, advise, and love you as much as you will let Him.


Hang loose,
Moses

So, here's an interesting question: why do you follow Christ? Have you ever thought about it before? I would venture to say that if you haven't wrestled with this question, you're still a baby. This kind of wrestling with God is required for maturity in Christ. How can you grow without struggling? Isn't there always some kind of pain involved in growth? If you aren't questioning your faith, how much faith do you have? I challenge you to ask yourself one simple question: "Why?" Struggle with it. Wrestle with God. And, for the sake of Christ, THINK! You're not being a "bad Christian" by asking questions. Jesus wants you to think. How are you going to be ready to tell others why THEY should believe when you don't know why YOU believe? Work out your faith with fear and trembling. Let yourself be tried by fire. It's going to hurt, I won't lie. I can't imaging what it must have been like for Jacob when the Angel of the Lord pulled his hip out of socket. But what did Jacob do? He grit his teeth, fought through the pain and won the match. His name was changed and he went from being "that kid who stole his big brother's birthright" to the forefather of God's chosen people. He knew he had destiny and refused to be denied what was his. Be willing to fight God for your destiny. Don't settle for being a sheep when you have the potential to be a shepherd. Remember this: After wrestling with God, Israel limped for the rest of his life. If you accept my challenge - if you wrestle with God - you will NEVER be the same.

Hang Loose,

Moses

Attention all Christians!!!
Stop following Christianity! That's right, you saw it correctly. I'll even repeat it - stop following Christianity; stop taking your Pastor's interpretation of the Bible as truth*, stop striving for Heaven through your good works, stop pretending to be "just fine" because you're a Christian. Instead of following Christianity (a religion), try following Christ. Not sure how you go about that? Well, there's this book that tells you how. It's really great, it's been published all over the world in tons of languages. It's called the Bible. As you read it, you learn more about how to follow Christ. Also, in the first four books of the New Testament (commonly, the books are referred to as gospels), you'll find out that Jesus pretty much despised religion. The only people He ever publicly yelled at were religious leaders. Not once did Jesus call people to follow Judaism. He called them to "follow me". Therefore, I issue this challenge: stop following Christianity and pursue Christ with everything you have. He is "the Way, the Truth, and the Life." He's the only way to Heaven. Love Him, let Him love you, and let Him love through you. When you do this, you'll suddenly understand the real reason for doing good and avoiding bad. It's not for fear of Hell (at least, it shouldn't be), it's because we love Jesus and want to please Him.

Don't fall into religion when you can have a relationship with the living breathing God of the universe. Religion is Man's feeble attempt to reach out and touch God. Newsflash: God has already reached down and touched man through Jesus. Psalm 46:10 says "Cease striving and know that I am God." (NASB) I translate that to "let go and let God." When you strive you're getting in God's way. Just stop working, start loving, and let God love through you. Instead of being a Christian be a Christ-follower.

*When I said "stop taking your pastor's interpretation of the Bible as truth" what I meant is that you should examine what they say for yourself. Take notes when they preach, and check them against what the Bible says. If something doesn't add up, ask them about it. God doesn't want robots. He gave us brains and free-will. USE THEM!!!

Hang Loose,
Moses